The Many Faces of Grief and Loss

The Many Faces of Grief and Loss
by Maurice Turmel PhD

Grief and loss is a broad category that encompasses death and dying, grief recovery, grief resources and every type of loss imaginable. From losing a loved one to losing your job, grief and loss includes a variety of dimensions that affect each and every one of us in our daily lives.

The predominant category is loss of a loved one, of course. Death is the first thing that comes to mind when grief and loss are being discussed. But this particular experience can also emerge when we breakup with a lover, lose a pet or get fired from our employment. When the grief experience strikes, recovery is what preoccupies us the most.

We now understand that losing a loved one is only one aspect of grief and loss. Relationship breakups, divorce, loss of the family pet, getting fired and losing a business are all causes that generate the grief and loss experience. Such losses are rarely associated with the main grieving category, but in fact, they do share many common denominators as the primary experience of death of a loved one.

What is central to this article is that grief and loss affects us in almost every aspect of our lives. We recoil over the loss of a job. We fall into depression over the loss of our home. We grieve the death of our pets. We agonize over a recent divorce. And of course, we cry over the loss of loved ones.

What is our point here with this foray into the multiple dimensions of grief and loss? We are dealing with an emotional crisis and a feeling based wound. We experience sadness, depression and hurt. Feeling lost and afraid is common. Anger usually arrives first, till we discover what's underneath, and pain is what we wish to avoid, initially. All such reactions are quite typical with the experience of grief and loss.

Grief and loss, as a life experience, emerges in many aspects of our lives. Learning to relieve ourselves of stress via relevant grief recovery programs can have far reaching benefits. Recovering our usual bounce and drive is a worthy goal and significant benefit in grief recovery. Whatever we learn about dealing with grief and loss can be applied across its many dimensions and occurences.

The cycle of life includes gaining, losing and gaining again. For example, when a snake crawls into the tall grass to shed its old skin, it's because the new is emerging from underneath and pressing for release. Losses are typically categorized as devastating when, in fact, they are often a prelude to something better. Learning to let go, no matter what the cicumstances is a valuable life lesson.

Our biggest loss is always the death of a loved one. On a well known stress scale, this type of loss is just ahead of divorce and moving, two more examples of grief and loss. Learning to manage our daily losses, big and small, can well equip us for dealing with the big one when it inevitably strikes. A good grief resource becomes our most valuable guide during such circumstances and will lead us toward a healthy recovery.

Recovery from grief and loss, in all its varied forms, requires that we deal with our emotions. When we are emotionally vulnerable we can find a deeper meaning to life and acquire new and lasting friendships where we initially saw hurt and sorrow. Every loss carries a benefit, even if it takes years to uncover. Letting go emerges as grief and loss' primary lesson.

Cathars vs Catholics

"The following article was excerpted from a piece by Peter Shepherd of Trans4Mind.com who shared the following historical information related to how One Pope, at least, dealt with so-called heretics and ordered the execution of thousands who were non compliant with the catholic authority. It is Peter's belief that this is one of the first undocumented cases of religious genocide." Dr Moe

Peter Shepherd of Trans4Mind.com

Particularly impressive was Montsegur. We climbed up the steps to this sacred place, paying homage to the many Cathars who gave their lives to preserve their integrity and honor the wisdom of their ancient Gnostic teachings. The burning of the Cathars at Montsegur stands as a monument for us to confront the destructive force of hate and intolerance. We united with the spirit of the Cathars, to live in the power of love instead.

Following is an account of the martyrdom of the Cathars at Montsegur, drawn from a much longer original article, 'The Church's War on the Cathars' by Eric Wynants...
During the eleventh and twelfth centuries, the region known as the Languedoc, spreading approximately southward from the Loire to the Pyrennées, down into Arragon and eastward to the Rhone, became the most highly civilized area of Western Europe. Its fertile soil and pleasant climate provided the means for a leisurely life.

The Rhone and the Garonne were notable routes of communication and the passage of many Crusaders on their way to the East gave an immense stimulus to trade. Above all the Moslem conquest of Spain had brought the influence of Arabic culture. The larger cities had schools of medicine, mathematics and astrology where Arabian scholarship was imparted. Jews were not debarred from public life and were highly respected as doctors and teachers. The Catholic Church no longer held the monopoly of knowledge and it was gradually losing its power hold in the Languedoc.

The wealth of the monastic orders and the intolerance of the bishops roused the contempt of the nobles who accused them of self-indulgence and lack of interest in the poor. The common priests, through the neglect of their superiors, had fallen into discredit on account of their poverty and illiteracy. Very different was the behavior of the Cathars. Their eloquence in presenting their beliefs and their untiring care for all in need of help, won the devotion of both nobles and common people. They became known by the name of "bons hommes" (the good men).

In general the Cathars subscribed to a doctrine of reincarnation and to a recognition of the feminine principle in religion. Indeed, the preachers and teachers of Cathar congregations were of both sexes. At the same time, the Cathars rejected the orthodox Catholic Church and denied the validity of all clerical hierarchies, all official and ordained intercessors between man and God.

At the core of this position lay a gnostic tenet - the repudiation of "faith," at least as the Church insisted on it. In the place of "faith" accepted at secondhand, the Cathars insisted on direct and personal knowledge, a religious or mystical experience apprehended at firsthand. The Cathars were heirs to knowledge which partly came from the East and was known to the Gnostics and the early Christians. The basis of this secret was the transmission of the power of love. The gesture of the rite was the material and visible means of projecting this power. Behind it was hidden the spiritual gift, by which the soul was helped, and was able to cross without suffering the narrow portal of death, to escape the shadows and become merged with the light.

In the Black Mountain, not far from Carcassone, there was found a chamber, dating from the Cathar period, containing skeletons. "They lay in a circle, with their heads at the center and their feet at the circumference, like the spokes of a wheel." Those who have studied magical rites will recognize in this posture of death a very ancient rite intended to facilitate the escape of the soul, to allow it to traverse the intermediate worlds by virtue of the impetus given by union.

It was inevitable that sooner or later the clash would come, for no expressions of faith could be more diametrically opposed than between the Catholics and the Cathars. The Cathars were part of the movement of the poor, dating back to older times. Wealth was rejected by the Cathars as "external." Catharism spread with extraordinary speed in Southern France. It was the radiant cult of the pure spirit which took possession of men's souls, and it seriously endangered the materialistic Church of the Pope.

Pope Innocent III realized this and dispatched several apostolic legates to Southern France. These legates went to Toulouse, which was the capital of Catharism. When the legates were rejected, and one of them murdered, Innocent III ordered a crusade of mercenary knights and soldiers. Although there had been intermittent persecution of heretics all through the previous century, especially through the Inquisition, the Church now mobilized her forces in earnest. They were resolved to strike a resounding blow, which would bring misery and terror to the south. The mercenaries, having no personal loyalty or standard of honor, were brutal and godless. The heresy was to be extinguished once and for all.

On the 21st of July 1209, an army of some thirty thousand knights and foot soldiers from northern Europe descended like a whirlwind on the Languedoc - the mountainous northeastern foothills of the Pyrennées in what is now Southern France. In the ensuing war, the whole territory was ravaged, crops were destroyed, towns and cities were razed, a whole population was put to the sword. This extermination occurred on so vast, so terrible a scale that it may well constitute the first case of "genocide" in modern European history. In the town of Beziers alone, for example, at least fifteen thousand men, women, and children were slaughtered wholesale - many of them in the sanctuary of the church itself. When an officer inquired of the Pope's representative how he might distinguish heretics from true believers, the reply was, "Kill them all. God will recognize his own." This quotation, though widely reported, may be apocryphal. Nevertheless, it typifies the fanatical zeal and bloodlust with which the atrocities were perpetrated. The same papal representative, writing to Innocent III in Rome, announced proudly that "neither age nor sex nor status was spared."

Surviving Cathars disappeared into remote hiding places in the forests and mountain clefts of the Pyrennées. The heart of the resistance movement was at Montsegur, originally an ancient Manichaean temple consecrated to sun worship. By April of 1243, a vast army of more than ten thousand surrounded the mountain, and by March 1, Montsegur finally capitulated.

The Cathars were accorded unexpected generosity. Provided they abjured their heretical beliefs and confessed their "sins" to the Inquisition, they would be freed and subjected only to light penances. Yet, they decided not to do so. On March 15, the truce expired. At dawn the following day more than two hundred Cathars were dragged roughly down the mountainside. Not one recanted. There was not time to erect individual stakes. They were locked into a large wood-filled stockade at the foot of the mountain and burned en masse.

Peter Shepherd

http://www.trans4mind.com/

"Check out the following article to see where we stand on this subject."

Kindergarten Christianity

As a former Catholic I can say with certainty that the Christian faith, as currently practiced, offends me, both as a psychologist and as an individual who was indoctrinated into that tradition. I have seen the damage for myself, in both my own life and the lives of others. And I have witnessed how much this faith has been plagued by lies and various abuses that went unreported or were outright buried.

People everywhere are suffering from this, hurting at a deep level because the faith they construed as theirs has been abusing them for centuries. The record of crimes and abuses committed by this religion's leaders is endless. This form of religion does not represent Christ and never did.

A faith run by zealots is not a faith. It is a conflagration of devices designed to capture recruits in its web. It is about power and greed and unchallengeable supplication to the authorities who run the organization, none of whom, I can see, are qualified to represent God on this Earth. That is my opinion.

Here’s a question for you. If you were God and you saw what was going on in Your Name, what would you say? How would you feel? Would you not be angry that you have been completely misunderstood and invoked as a hammer to dominate others? This is sacrilege. These poor fools who think they represent the Christ are at least misguided, and at worse full of nonsense. To refer to them as Kindergarten Christians is to call them what they are, incompetent to manage the earthly affairs of a truly compassionate Divinity.

They are using the name of God to fill their pockets, much as have other organizations throughout history. This is happening today on many fronts and it is time for people to see it for themselves. The truth is that God lives within all of us and we can access the God Network ourselves. We do not need self-appointed ‘experts’ and the ‘religions’ they represent, to speak to God on our behalf.

These so called experts are themselves slaves to these inexcusable interpretations of what God really is and who Christ really was. Jesus Christ was an astounding figure of course and a model of a way of being. He told the truth as he knew it and understood it from his Heart. Christ didn’t lie. He told us where to look. The Kingdom is within!

Quotations from the Bible and words attributed to Christ are, for me, null and void. They have no purpose or value anymore. They have been drained of their original meaning, so far are they removed from the reality that created them. The world is filled with passive Christians and the charlatans who take advantage of them because the former refuse to think for themselves. They have been programmed to believe what their church authority wants them to believe, with messages delivered in a cryptic and enigmatic manner, yet powerful enough to have them go to war on other faiths.

Think of it. Hundreds of millions of Jews have died over the ages to maintain their faith. They were the subject of tyranny by political groups and other faiths, including the Christians. It was the Christian armies that drove Muslims out of Spain a few centuries back and murdered hundreds of thousands while doing so. On whose authority? For what purpose? Isn’t this what businesses do? Destroy the competition!

When did God or Christ say, “Smite Them – Rid the Earth of this pollution.”

NEVER

So who ordered these attacks on those who would refuse to be Christian? These were and still are the power mongers who are misusing the words of the Lord to advance their own causes.

Who says God wants one hockey team to triumph over another? Who says these things? Mixed up Christians, that’s who. People who adhere to the simple idea that God is on their side only and everyone else is destined for Hell, another figment that they invented.

Muslims do it too, radically defending their faith and attacking anyone who dares denounce it while pointing out its many flaws. Today’s Muslim extremists make Christians look like clowns at a charity ball. They are far worse in their zealotry, but no worse than Christians were a few centuries ago when they laid waste to persons of other religions.

Today we need a re-education program for persons of all faiths. The first step is a full rebuke of those in power who claim to have a handle on the truth, but in reality are simply running a business and feathering their own nest. More importantly we need a display of the True Nature of Faith, one that comes through Personal Empowerment. This is the worst news possible for religious authorities. The last thing they want is an educated population that they can no longer placate with incomprehensible references. The Emperor (religion) has no clothes, and that's that!

Faith that comes from Personal Empowerment is the only way to break the chains of religious tyranny. By breaking the beast’s back, once and for all, a new faith, born of inward knowledge and experience, can take root, as it already has begun to. We need this to happen on a massive scale. So many lies need to be set aside so that people can see the truth for themselves so they can stand strong in their resolve to be true to their deepest nature. And they will see that Empowerment Faith based on the reality that We Are All God and The Divine resides within every one of us, will set them free once and for all.

Empowerment Faith, the faith of the future, the faith that unites us all, is here now. People are ready for this. They are asking for this. They are eager for this. Just Google "Religion in Decline" and see for yourself. Kindergarten Christians, please step aside. Faith through self-empowerment is here to stay.

Check out the following resource for a clear picture of where we stand on this issue and how you too can come to terms with your Divinity and Life Purpose.

Maurice Turmel PhD
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1718143524

Important Book About Religion as a Virus

Hi Darrel,

I realize I haven't replied to you in some time. Part of it was catching up on other things and part of it was reflecting on what I could contribute to your purpose.

I've attached an article that explains who I am on the religion issue. Feel free to publish it if it suits your purposes.

As far as starting any groups I'm not interested in doing that. Although I appreciate what you are doing and I see an enormous need for "rehabilitation of abused christians and members of other faiths" I do not agree with the proposed method. Simply put, for me, the Divine resides within. I can access it any time I want, and I do. I do not believe it is necessary to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I believe the real nature of God, or Source, or the Divine can be explained and separated from the religious indoctrination of the past 2 milleniums.

I have found my way there by ridding myself of the physical, sexual and religious abuses I suffered as a child. As each layer was stripped away, the true nature of my soul and my connection to the Divine was revealed. For me this is bedrock, a foundation I can rely on and a feeling of truth that reverbererates throughout my body.

When I was still in practice I attended a number of meetings based on the AA model, where people got to talk about their experiences, their trials and tribulations, without being judged. As a psychologist I found these leaderless groups to be limited. The psychological dynamics that underlie any addiction or pattern of abuse have to be exposed. That requires an expert, or least, a well crafted guidebook. When I saw some of these people in my office that was the tack taken and results were good.

In the case of your work I understand the desire to keep all elements of indoctrinated faith out of the mix, since they have proven themselves to be a source of abuse and compromise from the very beginning. But for me there is a place inside where all these contradictions can be dissolved, leaving only the primary elements of faith which have NOTHING to do with religion.

I can tell you honestly it was a total surprise to me at first. As I worked through my own issues and helped my clients work through theirs I discovered this unwavering element within and couldn't believe my eyes. Today, I can safely and proudly say, that the further I move away from religion, the closer I come to God.

This is who I am Darrel and I'm past the point of lobbing off parts of myself to fit some program. I applaud your work. I applaud your book. You sir have a very important mission. If you like my article and it fits your agenda then please use it and let me know. I can produce more from my new found platform as a Spiritual Psychologist.

I wish you every success in this Very Important Endeavor.

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The God Virus: How Religion Infects Our Lives and Culture by Darrel W. Ray, Ed.D.
A ground breaking study of religion and its practical effects. Why are people so clear about the faults and failures of other religions and so blind to those of their own? Learn how religion impacts and influences your life and what you can do about it. See http://www.thegodvirus.net/ for more information.

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